May 1945: Obama Claims No Military Solution For Crisis In Europe

(Via the archives of the New York Times)

In a wide ranging press conference yesterday afternoon, President Obama claimed that despite the recent suicide of Germany’s top leader, he sees no military solution for the conflict in Europe and plans no new commitment of US troops.

“There are some who would say that instead of withdrawing US soldiers from Europe, we should be increasing military pressure on Germany’s democratically elected government. As demonstrated by the complete and utter debacles the US military suffered at Omaha Beach and during the Battle of the Bulge, this viewpoint is wrong,” Obama commented, evidently in reference to recent statements by disgraced retired general Dwight D. Eisenhower. “The conflict in Germany is political in nature, and must be decided by the people of Germany,” he continued.

Obama defended the military draw-down in Europe by saying that the US should focus on the war in the Pacific because Germany had offered no threat to the US prior to the US invasion.

When quizzed on the recent trade of Herman Goering and Heinrich Himmler for US POWs, Obama noted that the two men were sent to the neutral country of Norway, and were no longer a threat to the US because they were not in any operational command of the German government.

Concerning reports that the German government had regrouped and was now redoubling its efforts to kill the Jews, Obama blamed his predecessor for the mess.

“The operation of the death camps began after the US unlawfully declared war on Germany,” Obama claimed. “If the Bush administration had not engaged in this phony war, the Jews would never have been in danger to begin with. Now, we are doing our best to sort this out with as few casualties as possible, using diplomatic solutions and by putting political pressure on the German government. In this light, I have sent John Kerry and my wife Michelle to the German frontier in Switzerland, and I have instructed them to hold up signs saying, ‘Bring Back Our Jews’.”

Obama bristled when reminded of recent accusations by Hawaii’s governor that he was trying to force Hawaii into a power sharing agreement with the Japanese forces now occupying Maui.

“That’s simply untrue,” he stated. “However, let me remind you that the Japanese as a fighting force are finished, and offer no threat to the US mainland.”

After the press conference finished, Obama boarded an airplane and flew to Palm Springs for a round of golf.

This entry was posted in humor, politics, war and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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