Yes, Barack Obama is so cool. I mean, like, he’s black, you know, and I’m so proud that America has a black president, and he’s so cool, and we are all so cool for electing him, and everyone is cool just because we like Barack Obama and he’s cool.
And Barack Obama is so cool because he likes children.
In fact, he’s cool because he was once a child himself.
And he is cool because he likes the snow.
And he likes the rain too.
Oh, my gosh! I can’t believe how cool he is!
He also likes his wife.
Now how cool is that! (She’s cool too. In fact, here’s her cool page to prove it.)
And he fist bumps janitors and service people.
And he’s cool because he likes to dance. (The other guy couldn’t do that.)
And of course he is into all kinds of sports. (I bet the other guy couldn’t do that either!)
He’s so cool, that I can’t imagine why some people don’t support him. It must be because he’s cool and black. They are just racist haters. That’s all there is to it. True, the world is in flames and America is being turned into a run-down trailer park, but it is an unprecedented achievement for America to have a black president, who is so cool. And we are so cool for having elected him.
In fact, I feel cool just talking about how cool he is.
(To be clear, this would be satire if it were not for the fact that such a webpage already exists. That any mature adult–whether a supporter of Obama or not–would think that any of these things makes a person cool, or that any of this matters one whit when it comes to policy and the welfare of the American people, is a sign of the dry rot that is eating at the American soul.)